I've seen myself do it many many times before, I get over excited/enthusiastic/keen about someone, then panic, worry I'm getting in over my head so rather than just pull back and chill out a bit I end up doing something silly to sabotage the relationship before its even got off the ground.
BUT that does mean if I do something that scares him off then that's ok, because it means I wont get hurt by him leaving me later.
Because that's a given! Better to have a little disappointment now than a heart break later, right?
No, that's not right, I want to be able to have companionship, passion, love and excitement in my life! I want to be someone's significant other, someone that they will turn to in good and bad times. But not with just anyone for the sake of a relationship. Yes, I have requirements and I'd rather be alone than in the wrong relationship.
I just don't trust that someone else wants to have passion and excitement with me. And its much easier to push someone away early on, than to let them hurt you later.
Dig deep in my bag of trust and hope that someone will like what they see enough to give me the strength to trust them.
Got to find a way to break out of this cycle!
Update: Sorry, that sounds very discombobulated, but hey you knew that about me when you came here!
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