Flying Solo

Asia Is Tough for Single Western Women via Simon (printed from the Asia Wall St Journal from September 2003).

And on reading that, the majority of Western Men will laugh, shrug their shoulders and say its their (our) own fault for acting/looking the way we do. Of course we cant compete with the softly spoken, exotic, skinny asian woman.

No we can't. The majority of men, Western and/or Asian are not interested.

Bangkok, Thailand -- It's a dream job: a high-level position in Bangkok with an interesting company and an expatriate's salary. A beautiful company-subsidized apartment that takes up one floor of a luxury building. A maid, a car and a driver on call 24 hours a day.

But for Julie Sleva, a Canadian citizen who is an executive with L'Oreal, the French cosmetics firm, the dream becomes hollow when she leaves her office. Although young and by any definition attractive, Ms. Sleva has had to face the often lonely life of a Western female expat professional on a continent where men rule the roost -- a life with no serious relationships and rarely a date. "Outside of the office, it's tough," says "thirty-something" Ms. Sleva.

This is a story that reinforces stereotypes that some people will reject, and other people, like Julie Sleva, will endorse wholeheartedly: For single Western men, Asia can be a paradise of exotic, beautiful women more than willing to pamper them and inflate their egos. The perks of an expat life -- low-priced maids, company-paid drivers and members-only clubs -- relieve married couples of many of life's daily hassles, including the chores of child-rearing. But for single Western Caucasian women like Ms. Sleva, it's a different story.

Accomplishments in the office are often overshadowed by solitary private lives, and even the most casual Saturday-night date with a man is a distant memory. Many such women feel that their chances of having relationships are negligible while they stay in Asia. For Ms. Sleva, whose marriage to a Canadian man ended seven years ago, it is a constant frustration.

Although she's happy to date both Thai men and foreigners, she says that "you never see Thai men with expat women, and expat men are either married, gay or have a young Thai girl hanging on to their arm. You sit in a car near Soi Nana [a popular night-entertainment district] and you can't believe what walks out of that place -- the ugliest, grossest men with beautiful Thai women. It's so easy for the Western man."